Melvin: I woke up in the morning with the light of the sun on my face. I continued to lie down in my warm bed. As I was falling asleep again, all of a sudden my dad came in shouting “Get ready for school”. I moaned and kicked the blanket off me. As I got up I heard my dad eating like a pig by himself in the kitchen as usual.
Marvin: The sound of people screaming woke me up every morning. Hopping out of my cardboard box in the abandoned building, I walked along the hard stone floor to eventually arrive at my mother’s room three floors down. I had always wondered why people were screaming until I walked outside and saw people getting shot everywhere. “Why are these people doing this”
Slowly I walked into the kitchen with my arms hanging down beside me. I stared at the eggs and bacon for a second. I asked my dad if I could have some, but he said no and told me to wait for my mum. So I moaned even louder making me a bowl of weet-bix instead. I poured the milk in the bowl making the weet-bix soggy.
I then arrived at my boss’s house to finally see what job I was going to have to do today. “Water collecting” he said to me. “Ugh” I said to myself. I was sprinting around town gathering all the buckets possible then filling them up. Delivering was the most hardest part but I wasn't going to give up. I had finished my job for today and finally I could go home.
As I left my school at 3:PM I was feeling hot as the sun shined on me. I felt my back lifting me down because I just finished Athletics training. When I got home I walked in seeing my mum having afternoon tea with my brother and sister. I wasn't hungry I just wanted to go to sleep. But I had to do my chores which was mow the lawn, pull the weeds, water the garden, clean my room and mop the bathroom. But at the end I had play outside and had fish and chips for dinner.
I was making my way home and right behind me was a little boy that looked like he had no home. Almost arriving at my house when he told me a very very sad story. He said to me “My parents died from some bad people cause they had a bomb”. Arriving at home and saying to my mum “this boy has no parents can we live with us?”. “Yes” she replied. We then lived happily ever after.
Hey Melvin,
ReplyDeleteThe contrasts you've made between Auckland life and life in Syria make for sad reading don't they? Maybe they should put the kids in charge for a bit and clear this mess up :p
I love how you've put descriptive language into your writing, I can imagine your bowl and its soggy weet-bix :) keep working with that and see what other descriptions you can work into your writing.
Keep it up :) Mr. Hutchings